Marcy 2

Dear Dad,

Please tell mom that no she cannot come here and steal Judith.  Yes, her cheeks are precious and pinchable, but no, you may not let her abuse them.

I really wanted to check out the horse adoption agency this time around since I was low on funds.  Pepper is a good girl.

Bradley is on his third or fourth girlfriend now.  I wonder how he finds time to call me three times a day with all that woohoo and baby making.  He even sends me love letters and presents.  What a tool.

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Dear Mom,

You lied.  You said potty training girls was a lot easier than boys.  I beg to differ.  Judith is a brat.

Teaching her to talk was a lot easier than expected.  I cannot afford to renovate the nursery so she will not get an early birthday like I had hoped.

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Dear Mom,

Don’t tell dad, but I am broke.  I used my last coins to call the roommate providers.  The guy I talked to was a real toad.

The guy they sent over was not too bad.  Judith was in a snit.  Something about wanting to be fed or was it put to bed?  I don’t know.  She is always crying over something lately.  Luckily this did not chase off the guy.

With Judith around, I found myself grilling the guy to see if he was worth allowing to live here.  It did not take long to determine that what he brings to the table was ample.

Rapshawpwerewami was abducted within minutes of moving in.  I actually hoped they would keep him.

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Dear Dad,

Pepper had her foal!  We named him (oh no- it might have been a girl?)  Whatever.  We named it Cupid.

Cupid is adorable.  I wonder how many foals will get Indigo’s markings?

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Dear Mom,

The flu is making the rounds again.  Don’t tell dad.

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Dear Dad,

Jackrabbit refuses to be trained.  I thought a visit to his mom was a good idea.

I could hear Bradley sobbing.  Apparently one of his women died of old age.  It was depressing.

Please hand the rest of the letter to mom, please.

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Stop reading, Dad and give the letter to mom!

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Mom, I really screwed up this time.

I was really hoping for a false alarm this time, but it seems you will be a grandma again soon.  Please break the news gently to dad.

I stuck around with Jackrabbit waiting for Rambopambo to come escort him home.  He apparently has been working on an old chemistry set and proceeded to blow himself up.

I got out of the taxi and went upstairs to find out that Judith had her birthday without us.  She was very angry.

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P.S.

I forgot to tell you the exciting news!  Indigo and I joined a beginner race and destroyed the rest of the field!  We have a shiny new trophy!

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Dear Dad,

No, you cannot come here and kill him.  He is a very nice guy and has repeatedly hinted about marriage.

I may not agree with your methods, but here is a current picture of him.  His name is Rahsaan Harbin.  He is very good with both horses and children.

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Dear Mom,

You’re the best!  It’s Saturday and today I got a call from the construction company.  They said they would be here later today to make Judith her very own bedroom.

For now, I put bed in the nursery for her.  She went straight to it and did not even complain about having to sleep in the “baby” room.

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Dear Mom and Dad,

I just wanted to let you know that Rahsaan will move out as soon as the baby is born.  I feel that I only have room in my life right now for my kids and have decided the only “man” I need is Indigo.

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Dear Grandma,

Save me.  I hate cleaning and mom is a neat freak.

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Dear Mom and Dad,

Thanks for travelling all this way to buy Pepper.  She is a great animal and I will miss her very much.

I am still confused as to why you brought Grandma and Grandpa with you.

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Dear Grandma and Grandpa

Rahsaan was able to successfully train Jackrabbit.  His stud prices are $2,000 and I am asking $10,265 for him.  I do have others waiting to buy him, but you get first crack.  Let me know.

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Dear Dad,

Thanks for the phoned in pep talk.  I still do not understand why Grandma and Grandpa had to move in down the street.  I don’t need babysitters.  Thanks anyway, now make them go home.

Rah successfully trained Cash.  I am at my wits end with that dog.  I finally had to ban him from the upstairs because he has no interest in being housebroken.

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Dear Mother,

I call “Bullshit”!  The second time is not easier than the first.

Rah’s body odor issue was more than I could handle.  Before you ask, no, Judith was not traumatized by his leaving.  In fact, I don’t think they ever interacted together since she was a toddler.

Dear Grandma,

Yes, I know that Judith went to school starving.  Not my fault she refused to eat the rotten waffles I left out for her.  The most important part of this is that the school bus did come.  Please tell Great Aunt Jade that it is safe in this town.

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Dear Mom and Dad,

I am sorry if I have failed as a mother, as you so rudely put it.  I am very busy and just plain forgot.

Yes, Cupid did have his birthday.

So did Carson for that matter.   He was born a lucky genius.

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Dear Grandma,

Mommy forgot about me.  I still sleep in the baby room and he cries all the time.  I got detention for sleeping in class today.

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Dear Mother,

Yes, I know that construction has not started.  I went into labor on the scheduled day.  Construction is now slow due to heavy snows.

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Dear Grandma,

I have the bestest mom in the world!

I love my new room!  She did other stuff too, but she is sleeping right now.  I will give you the tour.

We got a second bathroom and a boys room for when Carson grows up.

I can’t decide what I like best about this area.  It could be the tv, the dishwasher or the dining set.  I can’t wait to see what it is like not to eat on the toilet anymore.

Mom made sure the horses can all fit in the barn now.

The basement is not finished yet, but we also got a third bathroom.  Mom says there is lots of money left over and I requested a playground.  I love the outdoors, you know.

Mom says that since the bus showed up yesterday, that the salon has allowed new hairstyles!  I can’t wait to talk mom into getting me and her new ones!  I tried to ask for new clothes, but she says Lucky Palms is not ready for that yet.

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Dear Mom,

I am drowning.  Two kids, two horses and a dog are more than I can handle.  I am thinking a quick trip is in order.  Would you be willing to stay here with the kids and animals for a few days?

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Dear Dad,

I’m sorry you are unwilling to help me out.  Luckily Grandma and Grandpa are.   I may write again after my vacation.

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Dear Grandpa,

I don’t know what you wrote in your letter to mommy, but it made her cry.

Don’t ever do that again.  She has decided to hold off on her vacation until after Carson has his birthday.  Thanks for ruining my chance at staying at Great-Grandpa’s house.

Dear Grandma,

Food DOES taste better when it’s not on the toilet.

I got in trouble for not doing my homework last night.  How as I supposed to know that the bus was going to show up regularly.

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Dear Social Worker,

If I could talk, I would suggest removing me from the hellish house and giving me to parents who want me.

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Dear Social Worker,

Please disregard the last paper of scribbles.  My mommy found out that I was not a figment of her imagination and has since taught me to poo in my potty.

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Dear Sealy-Posturpedic,

Thank you for the new mattress set.  My snoring is now almost gone.

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Dear Tessa,

Kyle Valdez recently moved in.  He is a prude.

That is all.

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Dear Khala,

Amarantine is absolutely fabulous.  Kyle is going to board her at my house for a few days.

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Dear Wishing Well,

EW!  You’re fired!

Okay maybe not.

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Dear Bank of SIMerica

No, the recent deposit was not a clerical error.  Please do not take further action.

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Dear Tessa,

Kyle is wishy washy.   Please inform Kyle that he will now have to stand in line since he refused to even let me flirt with him just yesterday.

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Dear Bradley,

Please stop sending gifts.  Please do not ask me out or call anymore either.  If you violate the restraining order again, I will press charges.

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Dear Mom and Dad,

Cupid has buyers in a huge bid war.  I am trying to hurry up and get his training done.

Training Cupid will now have to wait nine months.  Also, I am thinking of putting Carson up for adoption.  He never stops screaming.  No one has slept in several months.  We are tired and miserable.

Still tired, and I recently peed myself, but I was able to get the little turd to walk.

The pregnancy finally made itself known.  I had to go to a fertility specialist due to my age and he gave me a special treatment.  He was not very forthcoming on the particulars, but he is a doctor and I agreed to it.

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Dear Mom,

I am considering tubal ligation.  No one has slept in 8 months now.  I can’t take it much longer.

The puddles of pee are flooding the house.  Sleep deprivation makes us too tired to make it to a bathroom without passing out.

Amarantine is doing well despite the fact that no one is in any condition to take proper care of her.  Luckily there is a lot of other four-legged friends for her to get attention from.

We have determined that Carson is dumber than a box of rocks.  He is the only kid in the world that will be in bed and cry to go to bed.  Thoughts of tossing him out the window cross all of our minds.

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Dear Mom and Dad,

No, I was not exaggerating.

All he does is cry.  When he is not crying, he pouts.  Like a turd.  All the time.

The newest roommate has turned in his 30-day notice.  I asked him to take me too, but he declined.

It finally went to sleep.  We all collapsed in heaps around the house in exhausted joy.

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Dear Grandma and Grandpa,

We were too tired to call or write, but I had my birthday.

The next day, a kid from school asked me to prom.  I have not told mom yet, but I will soon because I am going to need a new dress.

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Dear Mom and Dad,

We had wanted to throw him a birthday party, but we were still too exhausted.  Cross  your fingers that the kid gains a few brain cells during this next stage.

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Dear Kyle,

Amarantine recently gave birth to Troy.  As soon as she is cleared by the vet, she will be returning home.

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Dear Grandpa,

I thought horseback riding would be fun.  Me and Cupid are both hurting.  I think I need a butt transplant.

Mom texted me mid-ride.  She was off to have the baby.  I told her that I would make sure Carson got on the bus.

Then I remember that it was Saturday.

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Dear Grandpa,

I DID IT!  I trained Cupid!  I took him to stud and got $2344.  Mom says I can keep the money since I did a lot of the work!  I was very sad that she also had a buyer lined up for him.  The guy paid $11,703, our best sale yet!

In other news, Cash attacked mom when she went to brush him.  She is threatening to make dog leather shoes.

Eww.

I think it’s great that Mom is letting me break the news of my new little sister.  Ellen is a doll!  We just love her to bits!

She has already had her first birthday too!